I've never liked dealing with the problems in my life, I don't mind confrontations in general but I most definitely don't like confronting myself. The universe in general I can handle, I've always loved philosophizing about the life, just not my life. I don't ever cry because it would require facing the issues I have to cry about. Even when I'm not happy I usually smile and tell myself that I am. 'Fake it till you make it' my mom always used to say, it was one lesson I took to hart. I've never put my all into anything because that would require giving something of myself and any of my friends could tell you that's not something I give up. It's probably the main thing that keeps me from reaching my full potential.
I used to bury my head in books to keep myself from having to face my own life, I still read but now my escape it music. I go outside in the middle of the night, put my headphones in and blast my music as loud as I can. Usually it's Modest Mouse, Cage the Elephant if I'm in a good mood, maybe Poe. It all the same to me, just music, I sing as loud as I can and sway my head. If you say me you would most likely think I was going crazy.
I love to write but I can only do it sometimes, see to be a good writer you can't use your story as a scapegoat, you have to put your life into the story. The trick for writing is is to not think of it as drawing pictures in the mind of your reader but creating a whole new world that will come alive, that will grow and prosper with your guidance. Still though, for that world to have substance you have to offer it some of your own world.
It's because of this that I've decided to start trying to put my all into my everything. Life is short I don't want to spend it hiding because I can't face my own emotions, its extremely unhealthy. Plus when ever I get in a bad mood people think I'm depressed and crying because they never see me upset, its unbelievably annoying when every time I get quite everyone's like, 'OMG! Are you o.k?!?!' I mean come on people!
So there you have it, a new start. An extreme start.
ME TOO!!!
ReplyDelete;)
Love you Dardar, I don't know what I)'d do without you
You know, I don't worry about you, so much as I want to be there for you when need me or want to spend time with me. I have looked forward to spending the summer with you, sharing you with the family; I know you are okay, and just touch base with you so you have someone to open up to if/or/when you feel like 'being here'. Love, Love, and more Love. G'ma.
ReplyDeleteI would love to spend time with you!!
ReplyDeleteYour the Big G!! Who wouldn't want to spend time with that? I just feel like we never get the opertunity, it would be amazing if we could really hang out every once ina while. I prob. wont really 'open up' cuz that would mean hell had frozen over, but we should make a point of doing things together.